A Journey of Fezzes
by Katherine Sanderson
Summary: Clara, meet the Fez. Fez, meet Clara. Oneshot.


Clara stared at her alien friend. Her friend who seemed more alien than ever this particular Wednesday. The reason for that was the … thing on top of his head. It was red and cylindrical with a tassel hanging from the top.

"What are you wearing?!"

"Oi! How many times have I told you that bowties are cool? You should know better by now", her alien friend argued. She sighed in exasperation.

"No they're not and I was talking about what's on your head", she clarified, God knows he needed it sometimes.

"Ah, it's a fez, just like bowties they are cool. Now, come along! We have adventure waiting for us!" He exclaimed while he spun on his heels, snapped his fingers and disappeared into the TARDIS leaving Clara staring after him in disbelief for a second, once again marvelling about her alien friend's alien sense of style. It was funny how he could still surprise her like that.

* * *

"Why are you wearing that thing again?" Clara groaned as she looked at the top of the Doctors head.

"It's not "again", it's a new fez!" He protested indignantly, as if her inability to tell them apart offended him.

"Fine, whatever. Where to?" She supposed she could ignore it for now in favour of a new adventure. Maybe he'd succeed in landing them on Barcelona this time. Or, y'know, maybe not.

* * *

They'd ended up on a planet the Doctor called Delga Ometa where the fez had been immediately vaporised on account of a freaked out local holding something futuristic and vaguely gun shaped pointed at them.

The Doctor looked absolutely devastated and Clara couldn't help but burst into laughter at the sight.

It turned out the light blue local alien had seen the TARDIS arrive and thought it was an invasion, it turned out that wasn't so unusual in this part of the universe. As soon as the misunderstandning had been cleared up they found themselves having dinner with the alien and his wife as a means to apologize but the Doctor still looked a bit cross when it was time for them to leave.

* * *

They were running. Again. Sometimes she thought that was all they ever did. Run, that is. Anyway, they were running from a group of robot-wolf like aliens with some sort of laser guns like the ones in Star Wars. Huh, Star Wars cyber-wolfs, that was new.

They were running through some sort of museum that according to the Doctor had everything about human history from the Stone Age to the current year, which was 3359.

They could just glimpse the TARDIS beyond the display cages in the furthest corner of the truly humongus room they'd just entered when the Doctor stopped dead in his tracks, causing her to run straight into him and them both to be nearly hit by one of the laser bullets.

"Oh, you are _beautiful_!" He exclaimed and took off in a direction that was decidedly _not_ towards the TARDIS.

"Doctor where are you going!" She shouted after him as she was struggling to keep up.

He stopped in front of a display cage and as soon as Clara caught up and saw what was in it she groaned, that was also something she seemed to do a lot now, besides running.

"Look Clara! It's a fez and it's _blue_! A blue fez! Isn't it amazing?" It was indeed a blue fez, Clara didn't know about amazing though.

"Doctor we have to go!" She felt rather fed up with his ridiculousness at the moment.

"Hang on just a bit", he said as he pointed his sonic screwdriver at the glass to unlock it and disable any alarms, which was kind of pointless seeing as they were currently being chased by flippin' Star Wars cyber-wolfs! It was not the time for fezzes, blue or not.

The Doctor looked absolutely gleeful as he lifted the glass and snatched the thing, putting it on his head.

"Come _on_!" Clara urged.

"Right! Yes! To the TARDIS!" he declared and they started running again.

* * *

Clara sighed.

Yet another Wednesday, yet another fez – olive green this time.

Maybe the Doctor had made it his mission to wear a fez of every colour at some point in his life. Or get to keep a fez for more than one adventure. The thought made her smile, sure that the fez would meet its fate soon enough.

* * *

This was the worst one so far.

It was bright orange with a mismatched pink tassle.

It hurt to look at and Clara resolved to find out which planet it came from, make sure the Doctor never went there again and then orchestrate a way for the awful, awful fez to meet its end.

She was the Impossible Girl, she could do it.

* * *

Appearantly setting the TARDIS to random was a bad idea because they had arrived at a planet where it was mandatory to wear hats, meaning every other shop was a hat shop and they had quite the selection of fezzes.

 _Have hope Clara_ , she thought to herself. _Maybe there will be an invasion by aliens who really hate hats and they will destroy all the hat shops_.

* * *

How? How had he managed to find a fez on a submarine? A space submarine!

* * *

She had resigned herself. There was no keeping the Doctor away from the fezzes. Didn't mean she couldn't try, right?

"Some day, you could just walk past a fez."

"Never gonna happen."

Yeah, she didn't think so.

* * *

It was funny how she missed it now. The fez. It was unlikely he would be willing to wear one again now. It was one of the things that still slightly jarred her about the regeneration process, that it could change something that had been so seemingly central to him.

Still, she was sure he was going to find some new ridiculous thing to wear that would annoy her to no end.

Because _that_ was something that _hadn't_ changed about her best friend.

* * *

Please review :)


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